You Reek So Bad
You haven’t showered in the longest while. You are covered in the filth of not only yourself but also of others whom you have allowed to lay their hands all over you for whatever pleasure you seek out of it. You need to go shower because it reeks so bad. Everyone can smell it from across the room and worse when the wind carries over your scent across our way.
You run from one to another hoping to be loved and longing to be told that you that you are enough in the wretched horrible state you are. You dance around as you let whatever these are cover you in fluids of whatever origin and cheer you on to make you feel good about yourself. You wear on skin after skin, twisting and turning every joints of your body in every angle beyond human possibility to please whatever these beings you seek comfort in ask of you.
Now look at you. You look absolutely horrible as you are. You don’t look like the person you once were. You are now severely deformed. I can no longer recognize you. You are physically malnourished and spiritually empty. Your eyes and cheeks sunken, your lips faded, your hair alopecized. Your body skin and bones. Now have you become a monster, worse than Frankenstein, an amalgamation of the pettiest roadkill and stolen corpses of unwanted men and rotten flesh and crippled bones of no integrity and little structure. Your animation is worse than flawed and you cannot move as you once did.
You have lost the years of your age and now become Baba Yaga at the prime age of no more than 20. Now a witch, you have sold your soul for what you aspire to be, at least what you think you want to be. Nothing but to mend your fragile ego. Your id and superego have long given up as they only watch in awe, to you denying even your own voice and thoughts, instead running at the command of those things you run after. Your anima and animus spend their days in degenerate intercourse as you in your vanity and lustfulness succumb to every one woo of the devil, over and over and over and over.
You wanted to become everything and now have you come to be nothing. Your days are spent no more than hour to hour, not even day to day, paying mind only to ways to surpass all whatever you find surpassable. You are a petty coward looking for cheap ecstasy by cheating your way to easy victories. You have drowned yourself in so much tar that you forgot how to surpass your own biggest ambition, let alone do you remember your ambition at all. Now it is as if you have none.
I can’t blame you, something went wrong in your way and I wish people saw it more. In fact, I wish you could see it in yourself more. How much more must you break yourself before you finally achieve epiphany? And really, what is wrong with you? What in your past lead you to this much of a tragedy? Will you ever find it in yourself to get help? Will you ever even realize how awful you have become? I can only wish you recovery and wellness.