Synapses on Levodopa
Fried. Burnt, even
Another day another relapse. I spent a little too much time on social media and now my brain feels like absolute mush from the dopamine hyperstimulus. It's like OD'ing on Levodopa and abruptly withdrawing and unintentionally triggering Parkinsonism on my CNS. I can't focus on anything and I can't, for the love of all that is holy, do my tasks properly.
Even the most fun things feels like a chore because I can't bring myself to put in the proper amount of effort into comprehending things and releasing the typical amount of energy at the expense of dopamine levels I usually would.
My brain is so fried I need to seriously back off from all these evil sites. This is a lesson to strictly limit all social media usage. I used to be able to keep it that way but this time I relapsed, unfortunately.
Why did you even dig your own hole???
I think why this might be the case is that I am highly occupied by looking up various people online, people who ironically have no actual significance in my current life. Curiosity beckons me and I cannot resist gaining as much information as possible I can about them.
It's fascinating to see what reaction might happen between all them. Some sort of social voyeurism that I so often preach about repenting from. Silly hypocrite I am. Not to mention, it just makes another unnecessary issue to invest mental energy into. But for some reason, I can't help but not resist it.
There's also this thrill to looking up the number of reactions you receive from a certain post until it eventually dies down. That's where my pitfall lies. At this point the number of likes should matter less than the real engagement it recieves, namely comments, so I should really really get a hold of myself.
All this really just comes from a place of poor self-control. There's a thing about denying oneself or practicing moderacy, and I should better learn to master those two things.
Are you sure?
On the other hand, there is this idea that social media is becoming more and more exploitative of our mental state, it knows how to get us hooked that 'compromising' on it might end up getting you sucked into its black hole.
It's becoming more difficult to hang out on these big places without being drawn into it. Quitting might be the easiest answer, but when I think of it, I feel like I might still need it.
I once read about how people who try to detach from social media but still need it for work or business-related matters set a section of their time to specifically check social media and intentionally plan out what they will do with their time there. They all have a goal when they check on social media, it's not just mindless scrolling.
How do I apply this?
Yeah, it really just comes down to self-control and a directed goal. I guess I could still spend my time there doing what I usually do, but I'll have to limit it to that and only that. Checking out notifications and replying to messages. But I'll really have to stop looking up people too. It's unhealthy for everyone involved, and I'm surprised they haven't blocked me at this point. I might probably have to block them at some point, not to save them but myself.